And then I saw him on the evening news as they talked about his death. When I saw his picture I again felt drained and sad. Now I realize that I had been affected by Steve Jobs death. I was amazed that I felt this way, yet knowing that I was in the mourning stage.

Again, I was surprised because I do not have any Apple technology. In fact I have a HP computer, and the regular 3-G cell phone. I drive by the local Apple store and am amused how crowded the store always seems to be. Yet I have never stepped into the store. So again, I wonder even more. Why has this man affected me so much?

I am in the mourning stage.

Even though I do not know this man I have seen how he has contributed to the world. Not just with his Apple products but with the way he lives and the way he wants to contribute to our world. He is a man of high integrity, honesty, creativity, fun, love for his real and Apple Family. He is conscientious, caring and warm.

As I write those words which are really our values. I now realize why I am so sad and tired. I am mourning his death. Many people around the world are mourning his death. They are mourning with me. You may be mourning with me. We are in a large community of mourners.

Why We Mourn:

When we mourn it means that our values are no longer being satisfied. This is essential to realize or we might mourn for longer than we need to. I’ll state this again, morning means that our needs or values are not being satisfied.

As I listed Steve Jobs had many values. Values of integrity, honesty, creativity, fun and love. When You and I lose these values that other people offer us, we enter the mourning stage. It is like somebody close to you, passes away and we lose our energy. We feel weak, maybe depressed. It is because the values once offered seem not to be present any more.

Why you may be sad, depressed, frustrated?

Values are Life Energy:

If our values are satisfied our emotions are up, not satisfied… emotions are low. If you are upset… frustrated, your values are probably not satisfied. If satisfied your emotions and energy is sky high. Think about the value “love”. If love is satisfied, high energy, not… then low energy. Plus you are responsible to meet your values, not others. Yet you can ask them to help you meet your values.

I will show you a different way to mourn. So that your energy will rebound faster, yet still respecting the life of anybody. You are mourning yet celebrating their life,

1 identify the feelings that you have in the present moment.

2 identify the values that the person offered to you. These values are your life energy. So you can see how you can be in this morning state because these values, these needs or life energy are not being satisfied at this time.

The values may be love, integrity,warmth, trust, safety, and so many more. You can find this list of our life energy, our values… on the Internet. Just google “list of values”. You will see several lists that will help you identify values that are important to you.

3: Look at the list or write out the values that you think the person has satisfied for you. Imagine how this person satisfied these needs for you. You are now celebrating this person’s life. Just by doing this exercise your energy level should raise.

You might even want to think of other ways that you can satisfy these needs for others. This is a way to have additional needs met for you by contributing to others. As this person contributed to you.

Steve Jobs may rest in peace as he has contributed so much to the world. Maybe now it is your turn to contribute back.

WEday is a day (Wednesdays) for increased conscious connection with
communication, understanding, patience and connection. The intention
of these brief weekly tips is to help support this consciousness
during the week. Feel free to send the tip to others or a comment to
me.

Welcome to new participants from Hungary, Iran, Germany, Canada,
England, India, Colombia, Turkey, New Zealand, USA and Afghanistan.
Please share this consciousness with all that you communicate with.

CAUTION: Empathy is Addicting – Communication Tip 211

For more learning … YouTube video on empathy skills

Offering empathy to yourself or to others is a gift. A huge gift.
Most people in the world are empathy deprived and empathy restores
this energy that is an emotional loss from a lack of understanding or
listening.

Dr.Marshall Rosenberg’s definition of empathy is “A deep understanding
what another may be experiencing.( www.cnvc.org )

I asked a friend what he was doing today. He said” I’m going to Los
Angeles to help my daughter with her new business”

I focused back on him and asked, ” So you value contributing your time
and knowledge?”

Immediately, his eyes watered and he looked more energized and just
said, “yes”.

This is what empathic listening does for me.

1: It energizes both people.
2: Builds trust
3: Build emotional connection
4: Feels great as I have read it secretes endorphins and oxytocin. The
feel good chemicals in our brains.
5: Creates more understanding between 2 people
6: Dissolves resentment and enemy images. So much more…

Can you see why I am addicted to empathy? It does only good things.
Try more of it this week. Remember to set your intention for
connection, focus on the other person first, reply to what they say
with understanding and empathy. Then watch their reaction to your gift
of empathy. Feel the endorphins start moving.

Take a few deep breaths. May all your needs be met easily.

Warmly,

Rick Goodfriend

http://walkyourtalk.org

805 898-9336

PS.
- More learning videos at YouTube – http://www.youtube.com/rickiis
- NEW, sign up for these tips at http://walkyourtalk.org
- Communication Articles at

http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Rick_Goodfriend

This kind of violence and grief does not need to happen when there is Nonviolent communication (NVC) consciousness and skills Yes, I am angry. VERY angry,frustrated and sad. My stomach has a knot in it as I
have not processed what has triggered me and the needs behind it, yet.

Guess I am wanting to be heard and more support for our societies to work out emotional issues, if possible with the NVC skills that we talk about. We can help change the consciousness of our communities. My request is
that you offer a little more understanding to whomever you are talking to.

Be patient, listen, try to understand their needs. I think our societies are empathy deprived. We all need to be heard and understood. You can help by just “Don’t just do something, stand there” as Marshall Rosenberg has written.

This process doesn’t take any special skills to spend a little more time focusing on the speaker, especially if they are challenged by a situation they have experienced. Be the huge gift of presence. Take your time listening to another.

Empathic listening has healing and residual effects. We never know how we affect others when we authentically listen and then leave them. You may just save a life or help someone have a different outlook on a situation. You can change a person by hearing them.

If you are angry about a situation, offer yourself empathy or ask another to hear what you are experiencing. Try not to let the anger build up. We all know it can lead to physical or an emotional violent state.

Yes, we can change the world for a more peaceful place. Use the magnificent skills that Marshall has developed. They do work if they are practiced. Visit the Center for Nonviolent Communication ( www.cnvc.org <http://www.cnvc.org> ) for more resources.

Thank you for hearing my honesty. I regret that I have written this in a raw stateof mind so I may not be “NVC correct” I am now going to go process this pain and the feelings and needs that I have.

From my heart,

Rick Goodfriend
Founder – World Empathy Day
www.empathyday.com <http://www.empathyday.com>

Any comments are welcome

Article at
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100803/ap_on_re_us/us_beer_distributor_shoo\
tings

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/rickgoodfriend

Communication Skills that CAN Help Bring Peace to Your World  

What is World Empathy Day (WEday)? It is simply a day that is celebrated each Wednesday with increased thoughtfulness for communication, compassion with others and self, understanding and forgiveness.

Empathy, as Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, founder of Nonviolent Communication has stated, is a deep understanding what another may be experiencing. That person can also be ourselves. Empathic listening helps to develop trust, understanding, compassion, forgiveness, anger/stress management and increased positive energy. It is a powerful communication skill either for business or personal relationships.

Offering empathic listening is simple and easy to learn. It is only 2 questions. We “guess” what the other person’s feelings and needs may be. You also set the intention to want to understand the other person and also for yourself to be understood. If a person is angry these 2 questions might calm the person down in seconds. It really is amazing to observe. Participants of WEday receive brief weekly communication skills training tips.to help support this consciousness.

Why We Need World Empathy Day?

Most people are empathy deprived. We do not receive the deeper understanding that we each need. Can you remember the last time you were listened to without a judgment, unasked for advice or a story that you really did not want to hear? This is a dysfunctional way to communicate that most of us practice. Wit empathy, we learn to understand the other person by focusing on their values and what they are wanting to satisfy these needs.

Many times when we want to be listened to, the focus is forced away from you, and back to them. That is why most people never are really heard, deeply. The same goes with unasked for advice, as the person that wants to be heard is now focusing on the other person’s inflicting advice, instead of what they need to say. One way to alleviate going into fix-it language or unasked for advice giving is to ask the person if they would enjoy hearing advice or a suggestion. By asking, this builds trust between each other as the person now has more choice to decide.

As empathic listening skills are used, both people are understood deeply. Both people develop more positive energy to help get through the day with more calm and less stress. It is a way to charge our emotional batteries. These empathic listeners are changing the consciousness of the world by changing the way they peacefully interact with others

Empathic listening skills can be taught to everyone, even children as young as 4 years old can mediate with their playmates and play in peace. Proactives from non-profit organizations to corporations to small groups of individuals have learned these skills in workshop. They have learned  to interact with others in life-enriching ways. These are the communication skills that will be mainstream not just for the public but in the coming years for the business world. It is an easier and faster way to build a connection and trust with clients, customers or patients.

Who Are the Participants?

There are participants from all around the world. From California to India, Germany, Canada, Sri Lanka, Australia, Saudi Arabia, Denmark, Indonesia, United States and so many more. All celebrating and uplifting their peaceful thinking and communication skills on Wednesdays.

How to Calm Yourself Quickly During Difficult Conversations

When a conversation becomes “difficult” with another person, an effective tool to help keep your calm is silent empathy. A “difficult” conversation may be when there is an intention of blaming, shaming, guilt or fear involved. Silent Empathy is a quick process to identify what the other person may be needing emotionally or physically. By connecting with them in this way it helps you calm down by seeing the humanness in them and not an enemy image.

Here is the process of silent empathy.

1: Time Out: If possible, try to take a “time out” from the situation.. Ask for a 10 minute recess or state that you need to go to the restroom, take a walk, etc. If you can’t take a break for some reason, just do the 2nd step silently while the other person is speaking.

2: Silent Empathy: Imagine what needs may not be satisfied by this person that may be the cause of their intensity. Maybe they need rest, understanding, ease in their life… Just take a guess silently. You don’t need to be correct because just trying to identify the needs not being satisfied will work to calm you down and keep you from getting angry. This is a way to see them as human and not as an enemy image. There is a needs list that may help to identify these needs at the website listed below.

My Real Life Example: Somebody started yelling at me early in the morning a few days ago. Silently, I guessed what needs may not have been met for her (silent empathy technique). Silently, I guessed she was needing more rest, cooperation, mourning (she had just lost someone close) and maybe ease in her life. I took a deep breath. This silent empathy exercise calmed me down enough to see her humanity, to be able to be present and focus on her when we spoke again. I was then able to be calm. compassionate and had a more meaningful conversation without both of us shaming and blaming each other. Usually the speaker sees my calm or senses it by my body language and they calm down. It is amazing to observe this happening.

So try this silent empathy tip and watch your communications and relationships become easier and closer with life enriching communications.

Personal and business communication skills are never an easy subject, yet Rick Goodfriend wants communication with others to be easier, more satisfying. The website at http://walkyourtalk.org/ is where you may sign up for free weekly communication tips and teleclasses.

Rick Goodfriend is also a certified corporate speaker and can provide keynotes, trainings and consultation for your business or organization. The contact number is 805.898.9336

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Rick_Goodfriend
]]> http://rickiis.wordpress.com/2009/05/26/communication-skills-training-how-to-calm-yourself-quickly-during-difficult-conversations/feed/ 0 rickiis http://rickiis.wordpress.com/2009/05/14/communication-skills-learning-tip-using-nonviolent-communication/ http://rickiis.wordpress.com/2009/05/14/communication-skills-learning-tip-using-nonviolent-communication/#comments Thu, 14 May 2009 22:55:17 +0000 rickiis http://rickiis.wordpress.com/?p=45 ]]> I just added 8 new Communication Skills learning posts using nonviolent communication models.

Here is one of the weekly communication skills tips from World Empathy Day.  You can receive these free weekly tips by signing up at www.empathyday.com

Dear World Empathy Day Participants:http://www.walkyourtalk.org/

Celebrate World Empathy Day on Wednesday, a day of increased consciousness for understanding, creativity, harmony, and contribution for others and yourself. This is a weekly tip to help you move into this consciousness during the week.

Empathy Tip #105 – Give Me Some Space!

My computer was moaning and groaning this week, the fan whizzing faster and faster with each program that I was using. It was laboring and sounded in so much pain. I performed several features to help it run smoothly, yet I could hear it continue to run noisy and in agony. I was worried too, was this the end of my hard drive?

THEN, I noticed how close to the wall the air vents were located. It was not receiving any air to cool itself. I moved it away to give it some space for the air to circulate and now it is running smooth and in a sense “happy”

This Weeks tip is the same. Move away from your walls that may have a strangle hold on nurturing yourself and give yourself the space to breath, to create, for stimulation.

Example:

I focus so much on my work I may not move for hours at my desk, yet I know how beneficial it is to move around to keep me calm, creative and at ease, Now I set my watch to beep every 45 minutes to remind me to create my space, an openness for nurturance.

I have different strategies to instill “opening the space” such as walk around the block, breathing exercises and stretching, or even eating, offering myself empathy. I find a strategy to nurture and take care of myself even for a few minutes.

I come back refreshed and sometimes with a solution to a challenge.

This can work before communicating with another for ease and connection

For this week:

Find yourself a few strategies to meet your need for nurturance, to create more space in your life. Set a time factor for this strategy such as hourly, every 2 hours, daily, etc. Whatever works for you.

As always, I enjoy your communications how this tip may have worked for you.

May you find ways to meet all your needs this week.

Rick Goodfriend

Founder – World Empathy Day

———————————————————————-http://www.youtube.com/rickiis

Videos on Communication Tips:

Products and Services:http://www.walkyourtalk.org/indexmaterials.htm

The Tip:

A powerful communication skill is just focusing on another while they are speaking. It is a huge gift to them, listening and focusing skills. It is not about the words, yet it is the intention of our listening.  Offer silent empathy to initiate the connection by guessing the persons values that they would enjoy satisfying. Very simple yet powerful. They will sense your caring and understanding when you offer this type of empathy.

Example:

I was on a plane ride from the east coast back to California ). I sat next to a man who was going to visit his brother in San Diego. We chatted for a bit and I was sensing some emotional pain from him. I heard some of the past actions of his brother. I asked if he wanted to talk about it? He asked me if I really wanted to listen?

So I listened and offered empathy.  I didn’t say much yet I kept my focus on him. I just listened until I saw his energy rise.  I also guessed silently what he was wanting and offered a few empathy guesses to build more connection. I knew he now had been heard and offering this empathy was healing.

The Lessons:

When you observe a big reaction from an empathy guess, let the speaker have space to process This is when the shifts and healing begins. The main guess that he agreed with, was the need for trust. After that guess I could see his energy shift. I decided that this was a powerful moment for him and stopped the focus. I wanted to offer the space to receive his own clarity and understanding.

Listening Skills can be powerful and easy:

So, it really doesn’t take much in the way of listening skills to make a difference in communication with another, just your focus, intention and a few silent or verbal guesses to help another start healing Of course the connection with another as I had with him felt terrific, Not only does his energy rise, so does mine from a connection when offering empathy.A needs and values list may be found at the website below as several videos on Communication and listening skills..   

A video on these skills:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eZcGhEejok&feature=channel_page

Personal and business communication skills are never an easy subject, yet Rick Goodfriend wants communication with others to be easier, more satisfying. Additional Business and personal communication Skills are at http://walkyourtalk.org/ where you may sign up for weekly communication tips, teleclasses and workshops. Successful communication with anybody is possible with the proactive skills taught. Rick Goodfriend is also a co-creator and host of a television show on proactive communication and resides in Santa Barbara, California continuing to surf, hike and practice personal communication skills.

Rick Goodfriend is also a certified corporate speaker and can provide keynotes, trainings and consultation for your business or organization. He has been on over 200 television shows speaking of communication skills training.

May all your needs be met all week long.